FERRIS WHEEL 摩天輪

Have you notice as  a kid  no matter whether if poor or rich, parents will use all their ways to make us flawless,  and  turn us into something they dream of when they were as a kid because they didn't had the opportunity to pursue it.  Well, my mom was one of those parents who tried her best turning Kevin and I into  flawless children by having the government supporting with the financial.  As a kid I didn't get what the rich people had but what I did have was the understand of where my parents had to work their butts off to earn a decent living.  Kevin and I inhaled what my mom had to inhaled at her work site when we were as a kid and that brought us closer as a family.  Kevin and I played  and wore  second hand toys and clothes. Now, thinking back why did I give up on playing the piano.  I know how expensive those lessons were, but I was one lazy kid who didn't put her mindset to it, instead I had complaint to my parents and telling them how much I hated them.  If I was to spin the Ferris wheel clockwise, I would never allowed my pasted to occurred instead I believe I would have been a level 8 or 9 pianist  and not be stuck at level 2-3 pianist.  I told myself that once I earn money I am going to finish up to where I was left off and pursue to become a pianist and compete in competitions and win lots of trophies.   The piano teacher told my mom that I was a gift child who was born to play the piano.  I also knew my mom wanted me to learn ballroom and yoga but due to our budget , it was impossible to happen. 

Two days ago when I was cleaning my room , I found a set of my past journals and opened to read each pages.  Oh my, I can't believed I was a brat who thought myself was a princess.  Having to think of it wondering why my parents would forced Kevin and me to Chinese School on a Saturday then piano lessons afterward and math tutoring on a Sunday. Already enough, my scheduled was packed 7 days a week without  resting.   I hated Math, and the Math teacher in my middle school gave me a 65 on my  report card but the rest of other subjects I earned 90-95... my parents went nuts , this is how I was placed on a Sunday Math class.  Till today I still stink at Math and Mom always say, I should marry a person who loves math because in the future life everything involves with Math.  (From mortgaging to writing checks. )  

 ....There was this one part where I had written " I didn't understand why my dad would slipped an ice on our back without saying a word , I  screamed and popped out of bed...."  Back then I didn't understand why he had encouraged me to study Chinese.   Now I have been closer with my relatives , they often need a bilingual help and this was my parents back up plan.   My dad gave all his money to his family, refused  buying  Kevin and I  new clothes and  toys?  Two days ago, one of the relative and I had lunch together ,  she explained everything.   She was thankful because my dad helped out or else they  wasn't able to survive without a full meal.   If I can spin the Ferris Wheel again, I  would rewind  to take back all the terrible words I had written in my journal.  Till today I still can't understand why my parents are mysterious , speechless and why they always have me learn from the hard way; not sure if they want me to know that there is no easy way  out.  

Another section of my journal , I didn't understand why my parents sent me and Kevin to   summer camp and Fresh air fund camp.  Summer camp had nothing.  There was no television, comfy bed, electricity, and my type writer, all I had was a bunk bed, roommates, campers, a lamp,  a wood house that leaked water whenever it rained, and annoying teachers.    I hated when the mosquitoes sucked on my blood and I had to follow  the disciplined/rules.  I couldn't be left alone ,reading my book or write in my journal but I did enjoyed eating sloppy Joe's  sandwiches and listening to ghost stories at the camp fire.   The Fresh Air Fund Camp... I didn't understand how my parents wasn't worried , sending me to live with strangers ( rich Caucasian , black,  Hispanic) families that was sponsored by the federal government.   Again, if I can spin the wheel, I would take a big eraser and wipe out my complaints in my journal.  All my mom wanted was to have the wealthy families introducing  Western life,  meanwhile my parents can self-taught the Eastern culture.   The family taught me proper western etiquette , using a knife, fork, food, culture, and life style.  My parents weren't as friendly as these non-Asian, instead Kevin and I get smacked in the hand for not using the proper way of chopsticks.  I practiced and practiced and wasn't able to get it then my parents sent me to Uncle David 's house in TN and had him taught me.  Until I learned it correctly then I was able to eat dinner with the family or else everyone wasn't able to eat until it was correctly hold.  

Because I was independent traveling by a bus with the other campers, I had the opportunity to live in many states.  I fell in love with traveling .  Since mom wasn't there to do my laundry, I learned to do house chores at the age of 11.  This was the gift my parents given me  to learn to become a successful woman.

Overall, the Ferris wheel is symbolized opening my eyes and understanding that there will be second chances and mistakes being repeatedly made.  After all a wheel spins round and round.  

Till today I will always be that girl who enjoys reading in the dark and complain in her writing, no matter if it's in a journal or blog.  This is where I feel so free expressing myself, but there are exceptional that .... besides blogs and journal , I go to see a psychologist once a week to relieve my stress.  Since I was placed in Resource in Elementary, the school assigned a speech and psychologist to me and have me express my problems out.   I even became close friend with my college psychologist because he kept all my deep darkest secrets in a low profile.