FERRIS WHEEL 摩天輪

Have you notice as  a kid  no matter whether if poor or rich, parents will use all their ways to make us flawless,  and  turn us into something they dream of when they were as a kid because they didn't had the opportunity to pursue it.  Well, my mom was one of those parents who tried her best turning Kevin and I into  flawless children by having the government supporting with the financial.  As a kid I didn't get what the rich people had but what I did have was the understand of where my parents had to work their butts off to earn a decent living.  Kevin and I inhaled what my mom had to inhaled at her work site when we were as a kid and that brought us closer as a family.  Kevin and I played  and wore  second hand toys and clothes. Now, thinking back why did I give up on playing the piano.  I know how expensive those lessons were, but I was one lazy kid who didn't put her mindset to it, instead I had complaint to my parents and telling them how much I hated them.  If I was to spin the Ferris wheel clockwise, I would never allowed my pasted to occurred instead I believe I would have been a level 8 or 9 pianist  and not be stuck at level 2-3 pianist.  I told myself that once I earn money I am going to finish up to where I was left off and pursue to become a pianist and compete in competitions and win lots of trophies.   The piano teacher told my mom that I was a gift child who was born to play the piano.  I also knew my mom wanted me to learn ballroom and yoga but due to our budget , it was impossible to happen. 

Two days ago when I was cleaning my room , I found a set of my past journals and opened to read each pages.  Oh my, I can't believed I was a brat who thought myself was a princess.  Having to think of it wondering why my parents would forced Kevin and me to Chinese School on a Saturday then piano lessons afterward and math tutoring on a Sunday. Already enough, my scheduled was packed 7 days a week without  resting.   I hated Math, and the Math teacher in my middle school gave me a 65 on my  report card but the rest of other subjects I earned 90-95... my parents went nuts , this is how I was placed on a Sunday Math class.  Till today I still stink at Math and Mom always say, I should marry a person who loves math because in the future life everything involves with Math.  (From mortgaging to writing checks. )  

 ....There was this one part where I had written " I didn't understand why my dad would slipped an ice on our back without saying a word , I  screamed and popped out of bed...."  Back then I didn't understand why he had encouraged me to study Chinese.   Now I have been closer with my relatives , they often need a bilingual help and this was my parents back up plan.   My dad gave all his money to his family, refused  buying  Kevin and I  new clothes and  toys?  Two days ago, one of the relative and I had lunch together ,  she explained everything.   She was thankful because my dad helped out or else they  wasn't able to survive without a full meal.   If I can spin the Ferris Wheel again, I  would rewind  to take back all the terrible words I had written in my journal.  Till today I still can't understand why my parents are mysterious , speechless and why they always have me learn from the hard way; not sure if they want me to know that there is no easy way  out.  

Another section of my journal , I didn't understand why my parents sent me and Kevin to   summer camp and Fresh air fund camp.  Summer camp had nothing.  There was no television, comfy bed, electricity, and my type writer, all I had was a bunk bed, roommates, campers, a lamp,  a wood house that leaked water whenever it rained, and annoying teachers.    I hated when the mosquitoes sucked on my blood and I had to follow  the disciplined/rules.  I couldn't be left alone ,reading my book or write in my journal but I did enjoyed eating sloppy Joe's  sandwiches and listening to ghost stories at the camp fire.   The Fresh Air Fund Camp... I didn't understand how my parents wasn't worried , sending me to live with strangers ( rich Caucasian , black,  Hispanic) families that was sponsored by the federal government.   Again, if I can spin the wheel, I would take a big eraser and wipe out my complaints in my journal.  All my mom wanted was to have the wealthy families introducing  Western life,  meanwhile my parents can self-taught the Eastern culture.   The family taught me proper western etiquette , using a knife, fork, food, culture, and life style.  My parents weren't as friendly as these non-Asian, instead Kevin and I get smacked in the hand for not using the proper way of chopsticks.  I practiced and practiced and wasn't able to get it then my parents sent me to Uncle David 's house in TN and had him taught me.  Until I learned it correctly then I was able to eat dinner with the family or else everyone wasn't able to eat until it was correctly hold.  

Because I was independent traveling by a bus with the other campers, I had the opportunity to live in many states.  I fell in love with traveling .  Since mom wasn't there to do my laundry, I learned to do house chores at the age of 11.  This was the gift my parents given me  to learn to become a successful woman.

Overall, the Ferris wheel is symbolized opening my eyes and understanding that there will be second chances and mistakes being repeatedly made.  After all a wheel spins round and round.  

Till today I will always be that girl who enjoys reading in the dark and complain in her writing, no matter if it's in a journal or blog.  This is where I feel so free expressing myself, but there are exceptional that .... besides blogs and journal , I go to see a psychologist once a week to relieve my stress.  Since I was placed in Resource in Elementary, the school assigned a speech and psychologist to me and have me express my problems out.   I even became close friend with my college psychologist because he kept all my deep darkest secrets in a low profile.  

TURN AROUND ... TURN AROUND

Is there ever a dream you want to chase or a moment that you regretted it ever had happened in life?  I have both, future dream and past regrets that I wish I have the power to change it.   Only if I was granted a power and this power would be change the unhappiness into a happy life.  I want to live in a happy life for the rest of my life and never have to wake up from my perfect dream.  The world is way too powerful and scary.  I have nightmares that I wish I am able to control and wake up from, but it constantly comes back haunting me whenever my mind is unconscious.  Please nightmare... you have been haunting me since 2008, please stop. I had enough of you and it is time for you to leave the dark side of me. Only if I can have prevent this incident, I wouldn't have my family suffer with me.  It's all my fault.  Why did I leave them and had ran away from this problem. Only if I was mature enough to handle the situation correctly or have listened to my father and study law then I would have to start over with regrets and hatred.  I cried and cried in the bathroom with the faucet running so my parents wouldn't have to hear.  Maybe if I would have begged the judge at the court then sympathy would rose from his eyes then regrets wouldn't have occurred. It hurts and each time when one part of my life changes , I would run away and avoid the problem.  I wish I can have share my inner dark secrets with my friends and family but I choose to seal it in my heart and never reveal it to the world; it's way too embarrassing.

So now I have another incident and is afraid it will lead to the depression stage.  Each time when i am left alone, I would stuck myself in the dark and is afraid to come out to the sunlight.  I pray and pray each time asking the lord for help.  Only if I can change the past I wouldn't be so immature and problems can be prevented. No matter whether it is my fault or not, I am still the one yet to be blame for all incidents.  

BELATED DEC BIRTHDAY GIRL

Happy belated Birthday Linda!   Ann, Carrie, Wai Long, Tiffany, and me celebrated Linda's belated birthday at Sake Sushi in Bensonhurst, NY.  I ate so much and now felt so food pregnant.  We also surprised Linda with a cheese cake.  Ann wasted her piece by pouring soy sauce.  I ate a quarter of my piece and brought the rest home to share with the family.  Wai Long  hardly ate anything and I felt that he didn't get his $20.00 worth of food.   So... now, I have to work extra hard to burn off those calories. 

Stupid N' silly of me... I have forgotten to give a Christmas card to Linda.  Oops!

Who wants to be my weight loss instructor?

A CHILLY WHITE WINTER

Merry Christmas to everyone including love ones and friends.  This year I missed a good friend who is the other side of the world.  Today is her birthday,  wish her a happy birthday .  Well, didn't do much on Christmas except eat at unlimited Japanese buffet with the Brooklyn residents.  Then spent the entire afternoon with another good friend.  Merry X-mas to you  my good pal.

Disappointed that it didn't snow on Christmas.  If I was to be granted one wish on Christmas... this wish is...  (not revealing it).

Thanks to the photographer.  Thumbs  up  for  your excellent photography skills.

This cake is for Ling.  You're one lucky girl who is born on Christmas.

SNOW-DROPLET EVE

Merry Christmas Eve everyone.   Hit at the Croxley Ales Ave B Bar.  Lucky me... have Lizzie and Mounina celebrating X-mas eve with my friends.   Went to Seaport and it snow-rain; beautiful scene.   

BTW.... love the cider drink. 

NYC TREE-MAS

A wonderful Friday, Allen putted together an early Christmas hangout.  I missed the first part but later joined them, taking pictures of  the end of 2012 memorial moments with the tallest tree at Rockefeller.  Later we hit at  the bar, drank a light beer with Jade and had Allen finished the rest.

I took so many pictures with Natalie, but she didn't share those pictures with me so I am assuming either I don't look or she doesn't look good. 

Giving Back To The Community

Things are the way it was meant to be.  Today I was on the M60 bus, heading to work and all of a sudden I spotted $7.00 on the entrance/exit trailway.   I began asking the people  and no one claimed for that money  so I took it.   I wasn't quite sure why that simple $7.00 was meant for me, but I have decided to used the money fair and square by giving back to the communities to help others; eventually that money wasn't a lot but I felt guilty for keeping all of it ,so this was how I used my the $7.00.

1. I spent $2.00 on a king size Strawberry twistler.  The donation of the $2.00 goes to one of the nurse's oldest daughter charity for her elementary senior's trip.  I shared the candy with Leslie's students.  I killed two birds with one stone.

2. I spent another $2.00 on Linda's birthday card and Lin's graduation card.

3.  I donated $1.00 to this bum on the street.

4.  I fed myself to a $3.00  Lamb Xi'an burger.  Okay, I treated myself with the extra dollar. 

This is what I did to give back to the community because I believed this is what the lord has planned for me to do.  Instead of keeping all the money as what a greed person would have done, I didn't do that.

 

♥ Birthday Dinner... Young 4ever ♥

Let me start of by saying, "Happy Birthday " to one of my closet friend/sister, Fancy.  No matter how many times we celebrate our birthday, we will always remain as 21 forever.   Flashing back all the way to Buffalo days I can still remembered to  when we drank affordable champagne during our last few weeks of the end of a fall semester(it so happened that your birthday is on the last week of the semester).  Look at us now a few years ahead , we have upgrade our level of hospitality, having money to eat at a fancy restaurant and celebrating with our closet friends.  

Although I was late 2 hours late, I still had an amazing time with my girl and guy-friends.  I even met a new French friend and got a chance to use my French.  I have forgotten so much of this language and had to relearned to picked up each useful greeting phrases.  His name is Joris  and he laughed so much whenever I said something.  We even shared a drink together.  Wow!, everyone at the table ordered so much yummy Spain Spanish food at Tepeo 29  bar that it made my tummy felt so pregnant.  I wasn't able to sit on the train seat correctly because the food has filled up my tummy all the way to an extend that I was afraid to eat again for that night.  Fancy was given a substitution of a brownie with whip cream instead of a cake , and it was on the house.  At the end, the bill rang up to $240.00 ; each person paid $40.00. 

PS: Lesson learned to charged my digital camera because my battery died on me.  What a bitch for unable to snap lots of greatest moments.

Thanks: Anny, Joris, Teressa, and Min for showing up to Fannie's birthday dinner.  What a coincidence bumping into the 7th person who supposed to show up yesterday on the N train today.  Ohh, poor Pratishia who was unable to make it due to today's examination.  She needed to study.

oh silly Anny and Teressa.  Why so camera shy?

 Look at Min... he looks so confused.

88th Annual Dental 2012 Meeting

The Dental Convention was the day after Thanksgiving.  I invited one of my sister in law since she came  all the way from Australia and this is her first field trip in NYC.  This year Listerine didn't show up , what a disappointment.  Crest/Oral B wouldn't take my orders therefore I had to  buy my items on their site, using back my student account.  Anywho, I once again got lots of free children brushes, please ... I am not a mother with children.  Silly me... should have got my cousin taking a picture of me at the Aquafresh station brushing my teeth.

Can't wait to be back next year.

s