TURN AROUND ... TURN AROUND

Is there ever a dream you want to chase or a moment that you regretted it ever had happened in life?  I have both, future dream and past regrets that I wish I have the power to change it.   Only if I was granted a power and this power would be change the unhappiness into a happy life.  I want to live in a happy life for the rest of my life and never have to wake up from my perfect dream.  The world is way too powerful and scary.  I have nightmares that I wish I am able to control and wake up from, but it constantly comes back haunting me whenever my mind is unconscious.  Please nightmare... you have been haunting me since 2008, please stop. I had enough of you and it is time for you to leave the dark side of me. Only if I can have prevent this incident, I wouldn't have my family suffer with me.  It's all my fault.  Why did I leave them and had ran away from this problem. Only if I was mature enough to handle the situation correctly or have listened to my father and study law then I would have to start over with regrets and hatred.  I cried and cried in the bathroom with the faucet running so my parents wouldn't have to hear.  Maybe if I would have begged the judge at the court then sympathy would rose from his eyes then regrets wouldn't have occurred. It hurts and each time when one part of my life changes , I would run away and avoid the problem.  I wish I can have share my inner dark secrets with my friends and family but I choose to seal it in my heart and never reveal it to the world; it's way too embarrassing.

So now I have another incident and is afraid it will lead to the depression stage.  Each time when i am left alone, I would stuck myself in the dark and is afraid to come out to the sunlight.  I pray and pray each time asking the lord for help.  Only if I can change the past I wouldn't be so immature and problems can be prevented. No matter whether it is my fault or not, I am still the one yet to be blame for all incidents.